Appreciation

Why do people flirt? I cant really say. The thrill of that first smile, the expectation of flirty banter, the lump in your chest when you see the name on your phone/ email/ sms. I think people flirt because it makes you feel appreciated. And for that one second you feel like you matter to somebody.

Its a drug, this need to feel like you matter. That pride in your chest when somebody seeks out your attention. And I miss it. Ive missed it for some time, because after a long long relationship, sometimes even your partner tends to forget how much he should appreciate you. After a long time, people take other people for granted.

I flirt now, or try to flirt might be a better way of putting it. I am out of practice, but like some people tend to remind me, its really like learning to ride a bike. You'll never forget it. I attempted to flirt with Chocolate who eventually pretty much slammed me down.

"Sure, thats an open invitation for a drink... but dont forget to bring your other friends too"

Can you say OUCH

hahahahah, but I laugh it off, because thats what life's like right, you just keep going, and sometimes you read the signs wrong, or you make a mistake, you just pick yourself up and keep going.

Who is this enemy I am now flirting with you say? he's working with my a direct competitor firm. Our two company's have always been neck to neck in terms of work and reputation, though I would admit globally his company remains numero uno, and mine numero dos.

We've exchanged a few emails. Friendly at most, but slightly bordering on the flirtatious. Its just harmless fun, trying to catch a few butterflies to put in your stomach. I miss those times.

I had dinner with The Samaritan today. Him sitting in front of me while we ate our burgers. Our friends (a married couple) had dinner with us. She got up to go to the bathroom and asked her husband to watch her bag. At which point I just smiled our of the corner of my eye and looked at The Samaritan pointedly

"See" I said. (We once had an argument on how of course he would be watching my handbag and why would anyone come and grab it and I didnt have to ask him to watch it because it makes him feel like I can't just trust him)

At which point he turned to Mr. Husband and asked him how he felt about being asked to watch the bag. Mr. Husband went wild claiming its ridiculous that Mrs. Wife asks him to watch the bag-of course he's going to watch the bag - which crazy person will come and grab her handbag while he was there.

I started cracking up, so so badly I started to cry. These were the moments that had made us, us. And at that point I had not noticed it, because I was so consumed by the overall feeling of sadness, of feeling that I wasnt good enough.

I looked at The Samaritan, still laughing, still crying, and saw something in him. It reminded me of how I still do love him. But immediately kept in check with myself, that though I could still love him, I still will move on and find someone who will love me back in the way I should be loved.

Wholly, truly, appreciated