Dear God

Dear God,

If you are out there, are you listening to me? I dont know what it is about me, or maybe about the men you have sent my way, but the last two relationships Ive been in took a turn after they both found you or some semblance of your spirituality while they were dating me.

Is it me God? Am I secretly the weapon that you use in getting people back to the 'right' path? Sometimes I wonder if that is my purpose here on earth? Maybe I just bend so far left that anyone who is with me ends up catipulting all the way right, all the way to you.

Its funny though, the directions that they go in, the first one turned Buddhist on me while we were dating, and tried to persuade me to stop eating meat due to the unnatural nature poultry is raised and slaughtered. I looked at him and told him Ive seen standing cows being slaughtered and cut to pieces right in front of my eyes. Ive watched cows cowling as life slowly shifts out of them. Ive seen this happening in front of my eyes at least once a year since I was 7.

Needless to say I am not a vegetarian nor do I think I ever will be.

The second one turned Muslim on me. I noticed he had been shifting away from me for a while, but I tried to work around it. But what can I say, such differences in our views on religion, on politics, on everything in between. With no voice at the end of the day, for the things we should have been talking about, a future together, children. It was funny how we had talked about those things first and simply never brought it back up, like a cloud of dreams.

So I dont know God, is this your way of trying to get me back into your tracks? The Samaritan had once mentioned that maybe things would have been different if I believed like he did. That maybe we would have had a shot at the future together. But I cant God, after all these years I have finally figured out my place in life, my peace in life and what I expect of our relationship in life, You and I.

I cant God. I cant go back to religion just because otherwise I might end up alone in my life since all the men I end up with somehow find their own way back to you. I cant.

So thank you God, for showing me the limitations to my own love, because as much as I love them those men, and as much as I love you...

I love me most of all, and I will be at peace with myself