The longer you wait, the less interested I become.
I recently went on the annual company retreat off to an island getaway somewhere. I had planned for it for a long time. Looked forward to meeting new people and for some much needed hooking up. After all, it was in the same event some 4 years ago that I pulled as many men as I did that weekend.
I have ditched The Millionaire. Well, kind off. I played his games and flirted with him for as long as I could. But whenever it boiled down to actually getting off my butt and going to his place I realized I simply couldnt do it. My heighthened paranoia on the fact that maybe his fiancee or his family are secretly watching and might blow me up or burn me aggravates the push to not go.
I do enjoy it though, that little flirt. That attention from a millionaire who has everything. The money, the family, the hot and famous fiancee. Yet he still comes back to me. Its hard to not be flattered and to not enjoy that.
But I keep looking and searching for something more stable now. Or if not, to continue searching for those who can deal with my emotionless nights together. To find a man I would like to see for a long time or to find a man who can fulfill me and not take heart when I dont call or want to see him in the longer term.
See I am surrounded now by eligible men, decent looking but most of all with a good heart. I cant simply sleep with them because that little buzz in me tells me that they cant handle that kind of abuse. That they are the kinds of men who would sleep with someone only when it means something more.
But then they no longer become the men that I want to have a relationship with. Maybe one or two from this weekend still hold a warm spot in my heart. I am deathly in crush with The Good Boy and constantly wish he would ask me out... and I am deathly in lust with The Journalist. A younger man - good looking and smart, but clearly without the experience of men my age.
A woman creates the opportunity... it is the man's role to seize it.
And the longer they wait, the faster I move on, to somebody else, to somebody new.
But honestly, right now, all I want is just to have a guy lay on top of me
